How to remove yourself from the victim role

Posted by on Jun 17, 2013 in Abusive Relationships, Codependent Relationship, Emotional Abuse, Helplessness, Recovery |

How to remove yourself from the victim role

Addicts and alcoholics love to play the victim. We blame our addiction on outside people and circumstances. This allows us to shift responsibility for using drugs and drinking, and allows us to justify continuing to destroy our lives. We think, “If this had happened to you, you would use drugs and drink too.”

This is not to say that addicts and alcoholics haven’t been through any trauma. Most addicts and alcoholics have. But instead of working through that trauma, we use it as an excuse to fuel our addiction and self-destruction.

Recovery does not work if you do not remove yourself from the victim role. If you cannot take responsibility for your own mental health and behavior, you will become trapped in a cycle of addiction that will never end. If I get to be the victim, the overindulged one, the entitled one, the misunderstood one, the abused one and the wronged one, I don’t have to be responsible for myself. It is just that simple.

How to remove yourself from the victim role: Stop selfish and self centered thinking

People who are playing the victim role often have a strong sense of entitlement. They will use their role as the victim to justify and excuse any behavior. They will rarely if ever ask you anything about yourself. It doesn’t even occur to them because they are so wrapped up in self-pity. They are selfish and self-centered.

The way to stop selfish and self-centered thinking is to get out of yourself. You first must decide on a new way of thinking and then practice it vigorously. When you start to feel sorry for yourself, do something for someone else. When you talk to others, ask about them.

How to remove yourself from the victim role: Get honest

Often those in the victim role will justify all of their behavior. Dishonesty is the central theme in their lives. They will have to reach a point where they realize that their behavior is no longer working for them and they are using the victim role to justify acting out. Getting honest is central to removing yourself from the victim role.

When you do something wrong, apologize without attaching any “and” or “but” to it. “I’m sorry I raised my voice, but I couldn’t help it.” The “but” disqualifies the apology. Take responsibility for the reaction of yelling.

How to remove yourself from the victim role: Practice kindness

Those who are trapped in the victim role very rarely think about doing anything for someone else, let alone acting on it. They look at every situation as how it is affecting them or what they can get out of it. Practicing kindness, especially when you do something for someone else without them knowing it, can be a powerful tool in removing yourself from the victim role.

Removing yourself from the victim role does not happen overnight, but with practice it is possible. Ask your sober supports to let you know when you are playing the victim, and take action to change the behavior when they do.

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